


Every You Every Me

by SpookyMoth



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Breaking Up & Making Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Healing, Loss of Trust, Psychological Trauma, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:49:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29657817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpookyMoth/pseuds/SpookyMoth
Summary: It's been five years of peace and stability, but then a mysterious disease spreads across the world that could destroy everything they worked so hard for.Shikamaru tries to track down the origin, while more and more people he loves are doomed, when he receives a cry for help from Suna.He had vowed never to fall for her eyes again, but when it came to the stability of the Shinobi Alliance, personal feelings had to take back in precedence.Shikamaru does not yet know what entanglements he will be drawn into when he decides to help Temari one last time.
Relationships: Nara Shikamaru/Temari
Comments: 22
Kudos: 21





	1. Every Me

_~*~*~*~_

  
  
_Shikamaru was sure his general exhaustion played games with him._

_Because else he couldn't imagine, why Temari would not only take him in a tender embrace, but kiss him._

_She wasn't neither nice nor gentle and most of all not a person, who gave kisses so out of the blue._

_It was more her attitude to swing her tessen and let every man fear her._

_However, she sat here in his tent, at his camp bed, at the edge of the former battlefield after they had won the war._

_She had taken his face into her both hands and then..._

_No, he had imagined it._

_She was gone as fast as she appeared, didn't say a word and just gave him a smile._

_~*~*~*~_

This summer could have been more pleasant. Much more pleasant in Shikamaru's opinion.

Instead of lying at his favourite hill in Konoha to watch clouds, he sat with Tsunade, Kakashi and various other shinobi at a table in the meeting room. They urgently tried to find the source of a mysterious illness that had caught many of their shinobi and civilians.

Sakura looked as tired as he felt.

In the night Ino had been brought to the hospital. He still didn't know how to react to this message. She wasn't the first one of his friends.

Just happened to be the first this close to him.

„We are stuck,“ Tsunade exclaimed and punched hard with her hand on the table. „Even if our hypothesis is right, and this illness is connected to the ability to knead chakra, why are random shinobi of different clans ill?“

„It isn't random,“ Shikamaru remarked and flipped through the files.

He pointed at two names.

_Yamanaka Ino. Inuzuka Kiba_

„Special clan jutsu.“

He flipped to the next page.

_Hinata Hyuga._

"Kekkei Genkai."

On the following page a new name appeared.

_Yamanaka Sai._

"Rare jutsu."

„If your thesis is right, why aren't Sasuke, Shino, Chouji, Naruto or you ill?“ Sakura asked and put a streak of hair out of her face. „Also it doesn't explain why civilians are affected.“

„It is still a hypothesis,“ he answered. „But until now only the large, prominent clans in Konoha have the most cases.“

He pulled another document to him and presented the lists he had put together.

„Hyuga, Akimichi, Yamanaka, Aburame, Inuzuka, Nara. Up till now we just have been lucky. Other shinobi are also ill, but if you compare the numbers...“

He didn't need to evaluate that, because Kakashi nodded.

„Beneath Sai a lot of ANBU are out of order. Most of them have special and rare jutsu. It could be a hint.“

„We need to contact the other Kage,“ Tsunade murmured. „This is a crisis which affects us all. And with this new information we may be able to track down the origin of that illness.“

"The phone lines are still cut," Shikamaru murmured.

„I can travel to the other Hidden Villages,“ Sasuke offered. „With my Rinnegan I can travel faster than every hawk.“

„I think that's the best possible solution,“ Kakashi agreed.

Their meeting was interrupted as a Chuunin stormed into the room. He had a scroll in his hand and was out of breath.

„Hokage-sama! We have an urgent message from Sunagakure!“

Shikamaru saw at Kakashi's face that nothing good was written in that scroll.

„The Kazekage and Kankuro are ill. Temari asks for our aid.“

He hadn't thought this day could get worse. He was proven wrong.

* * *

Three days later they stood at the entrance of Suna and Temari herself greeted them.

Shikamaru had been sent with Team 7. He hadn't objected. Kakashi knew too well that his advisor didn't want to travel to the Land of Wind.

She hadn't changed. Her hair was longer and in two instead of four ponytails. She was wearing the Kazekage cloak and the hat, since she was in charge of her village for now.

He noticed she also was looking at him. His goatee must be a strange sight for her. Her eyes avoided him.

„Temari-san, it is nice to see you again,“ Sakura greeted her.

„Thanks for coming this fast.“

„How is Gaara?“ Naruto asked immediately.

„A week ago he had a fever. The next day he was brought to the hospital. Three days later it also caught Kankuro.“

While Sakura asked more questions, the men followed them inside the village.

Shikamaru tried to control his feelings. He hadn't seen Temari for two years now. Two years ago, when their relationship had fallen into shambles.

Their relationship had been wild and unpredictable. Every time they met it was a tsunami of emotions, wonderful and terrifying, destroying and so incredibly good, that he longed for her every minute they were apart. He was ready to follow her to hell and back.

And then it ended as painful as it had begun. She had left him behind, with a broken heart and a scarred soul.

He had been loving her, but Temari? He didn't know.

„Here,“ Temari suddenly spoke to him and threw some keys in his direction. „All of you stay in the Kazekage mansion. You know where to find it.“

Thanks to his reflexes the keys didn't fall into the sand.

He hadn't expected her to speak directly to him. He hadn't quite gathered his composure as Sakura and Temari headed to the hospital.

* * *

Shikamaru couldn't sleep. His heart and mind were in a constant battle the whole day. Until he had laid his eyes upon Temari he hadn't known how much she still was present inside of him.

He was flooded with pictures from the past.

Her beautiful, gentle smile in the corner of her mouth, that he loved so much. The raised eyebrow when she looked at him sceptically. The crossed arms, when she was impatient and padded with her foot on the floor. The small noises of lust that escaped her throat when they didn't take the time to undress each other the second they were alone.

She was the first woman he had loved. She had held his heart in her hand and kicked it with her feet. She was the woman he wanted to build a future with.

Obviously she hadn't wanted him.

Sighing, he climbed the stairs to the roof of the building.

He had lit his second cigarette when he noticed he wasn't alone. Whatever had made her come to the roof, he hoped she would leave him again soon. Shikamaru wasn't ready to face her without some space between them.

He had avoided all meetings with the Shinobi Alliance, when she was present. He couldn't stand in a room with her, without the urge to touch and kiss her. It was totally irrational to feel this way. He knew this. He just couldn't help it.

He had taken a lot of arrangements to not work with Temari if it was avoidable. The Chuunin exams, one of the things they tended to do together, had been split in such a way they didn't need to see each other. And he was grateful for Kakashi understanding his reasons.

Shikamaru didn’t want personal feelings involved with his work and he did everything to avoid seeing her more than he could stand. He didn’t know her point of view and actually he didn’t care. Even if Kankuro declared his sister missed him, she had never contacted him; not once.

It was then, that he decided to not care any longer.

Still, for him their story wasn't told until the end.

He grabbed the balustrade harder as her steps came nearer. She left enough space between them so they didn't need to interact. That didn't hinder him from looking in her direction.

Her hair was loose. She had wrapped a thin cloak around her body. He could see her shivering.

In another life he would have hugged her to spend some warmth.

In a life where they would share a bed and a life.

The life he had dreamt of with her.

He took the last drag of his cigarette, then turned around to go back into his room.

„Shikamaru, wait.“

He stopped in his motion and shortly thought to answer her call. The moment was gone, he shook his head and continued his way back inside.

She shouldn't see the tears in his eyes.

* * *

For most of their stay Shikamaru was in meetings with the Council of Suna. Temari always was with him. It made him uneasy and all his instincts told him to flee, but he couldn't change it.

Suna hadn't been hit that hard like Konoha. The number of cases was lower and only a handful of civilians were ill. First he was surprised by this until he had dug deep in the archives and found the reason for this.

It was uncommon in Suna that civilians and shinobi got married. Every civilian in the hospital was a direct blood relative of a shinobi. He added this to the proof for his hypothesis that the illness was connected to the ability to gather and use chakra.

He had sent a hawk to the other Shinobi villages to inform them about his suggestions and walked lost in thought down the stairs as he saw someone sitting in a corner.

She had her face buried in her hands. The sun reflected on her blond hair.

Of course he had to stumble upon Temari.

Since the first evening he wasn't on the roof of the Kazekage mansion because he didn't want to meet her accidentally. Shikamaru decided to pass her.

A heart-breaking sob escaped her.

In all those years he had never seen her cry. Even after they had mended her broken leg without anaesthesia she hadn't even flinched. She had cussed and screamed, but not a single tear had left her.

Shikamaru knew about her soft side or else their relationship wouldn't have lasted that long.

He acted on pure instinct and grabbed her wrist. Then raised her up and walked into the direction of her office. First she didn't seem to realise that it was him, dragging her out of the hallway, but as she did, she protested.

„Let go off me, Shikamaru!“

He turned around and hissed at her.

„If you need to cry, hide in your office. It isn't appropriate for a Kage to cry this open.“

He used her startled state to drag her further. As he was sure nobody would cross their way, he pushed her harsher than intended into the office. He closed the door and even locked it.

He could have foreseen the slap on his cheek. It wasn't the first time she did this. She extended her other hand for a second one, but he stopped her movement this time.

Angrily she glared at him. Shikamaru had to gulp.

She was so close and he wanted to get lost in her eyes. He thought about forests and the ocean, wild winds and calm breezes.

She snatched her hand out of his grab.

Ashamed he held a hand at his neck, while she looked down to her feet. He saw her shoulders shaking.

„Is that some kind of funny game for you?“ she asked silently. „You ignore me the whole time and the second I show some weakness you drag me into my office like I am a piece of furniture? Do you think this is funny, Shikamaru?“

She clenched her fists as she said this, but didn't look up.

He was speechless for the fraction of a second. Anger was rising and he didn't give a damn if somebody outside those four walls could hear him. Now that she was for once standing in front of him, and couldn't run away, he had the opportunity to tell her all the things that were inside his head for years.

„Are you completely out of your mind?“ he screamed. “You are angry at me? ME?!”

She flinched.

„The last years I tried to put together all the shambles you left behind in my heart and my life because you disappeared without a word! From one second to another you were gone. You didn't answer my letters, were on missions, when I made time to visit Suna and then you didn't even attend the meetings of the Shinobi Alliance! Almost three months I didn't hear a word, and I realised you broke up with me!“

His voice got louder with every word.

„Weeks I asked myself what I did wrong. I wasn't able to sleep. Thought about everything with the smallest details, because you ignored me.“

He grabbed her by the shoulders.

„Look at me, when I'm speaking with you!“

Eventually she raised her head. Tears were swimming in her eyes. She bit her lower lip, and her whole body was trembling.

Shikamaru regretted he had screamed at her. She was so worried about her brothers, and needed to lead a village, and he thought it was the best time to throw such words through the room. It was the worst possible time.

„You are right,“ she responded. „All the things you said are true. My behaviour was unfair. I behaved like a coward. I have to apologise for my behaviour.“

She wiped the back of her hand through her face to dry the tears on her cheeks. He recognised his hands still were tightly grabbing her shoulders. He wanted to let go of her, when her hand touched his arm slightly.

„Please don't go,“ she pleaded.

Shikamaru sighed.

„You are asking for a lot, Temari.“

The trembling in her body subsided.

„I know. I don't want to push you.“ Then she added: „It's just so lonely without Kankuro and Gaara.“

She sobbed one more time and sat back on her spot behind the desk.

Shikamaru watched as she took one of the many documents scattered on the table. The mass of work was familiar to him. At home he tried to help Kakashi as much as he could.

The odd silence between them was tempting, so he decided to do something. He grabbed a scroll from the desk.

„I can help you.“

„Are you sure?“

He nodded and sat on the chair in front of the desk.

Maybe he saw the hint of a smile on her face.

* * *

The way back to Konoha it was just Naruto with him. Sasuke was heading to Iwa and Sakura would stay behind to do research.

He had helped Temari to sort out the documents, files, contracts, lists and letters depending on their urgency. They hadn't talked much and most of all not about private matters.

Shikamaru didn't want to give her the impression that he helped her because he cared for her. Her tears may have caused him to offer his aid, but he didn't want to cross any more lines.

Yesterday she wanted to invite him for dinner. He had denied as politely as possible. He was sure he had seen disappointment in her face.

Naruto waited until they reached the border of the Land of Fire until he asked him about Temari.

„Tell, Shikamaru. What's this between Temari and you? Have you forgiven her?“

„No, Naruto. Why do you think this?“

„You were hours in her office. I thought you talked with each other.“

His friend looked uneasy and nervous. He scratched his chin.

„I helped her with all the paperwork. The same I do for Kakashi.“

"Hmm." Naruto wasn't pleased with this answer.

„Mendokuse, spill it.“

„It was a pity you broke up. I liked you being a couple.“

Shikamaru shrugged his shoulders.

He was not keen to talk with Naruto about his complicated love life. He wanted to find the source of that illness and prevent it from spreading even more.

He hadn't time to think about Temari.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Song [Every You Every Me](https://youtu.be/OMaycNcPsHI) is my favourite song by Placebo.
> 
> And the songtext inspired - or better shouted at me - to make a story out of it.
> 
> I will upload a new chapter every week because I finished and edited this story beforehand. 
> 
> Hope you like it. Tell me in the comments what you think about the story. Or let's catch up on tumblr: @thespookymoth / twitter: @SpookyMoth. ❤️


	2. Every You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **TW: Implied / Referenced Alcohol Abuse / Addiction**

~*~*~*~

  
_His hand linked with hers in the middle of the street and he intertwined their fingers._

_She looked dumbfounded on their hands, raised an eyebrow and looked at Shikamaru._

_He had his face straight forward, with a hint of red on his cheeks._

_„What's this, crybaby?“_

_„I just wanted to see how you react,“ he said smugly._

_„And obviously you like it, because you haven't let go yet.“_

~*~*~*~

She stared at the hat on the chair as if she was waiting for it to float through the room.

She pressingly needed answers and that hat helped her to imagine that Gaara was sitting at her place, giving her the soft look he only preserved for her. He would immediately go back to his work, reading the papers the Council had thrown him on the desk and scribble down some notes.

The door made a small noise as the wind was gently drifting through the room.

She almost expected Kankuro to open it, grinning broadly as he was back from a mission and asking if they had time for lunch. As always he would toss his mission report in Gaara's direction and he would catch it with his sand.

Again the tears gathered in the corner of her eyes.

She wanted so badly that everything went back to before, to the state of normalcy she was used to and the never changing routine of the day. But that was out of her reach.

For a month she waited for this, the hint of progress and maybe the slightest chance of change. She was desperate for it; craved with her whole being that her brothers would wake up, walk out of the hospital and nag her with their childish behaviour.

Temari knew her situation was hopeless. She would not get used to this new normal. She didn't want to get used to this.

She wasn't cut out to be Kazekage. This was Gaara's job. He wanted to lead this village, take the responsibility and show the people of Suna he was a worthy leader.

The Council was restless. They had given up hope and wanted an inauguration ceremony. They were fools to believe she would act like they ordered her to do.

She shouldn't be sitting in this chair, wear that robe and the hat. Her brother had earned this place. Gaara had helped to make Suna a safer, healthier and richer place. The village adored him, they cared for him and she would not take this away.

The wind rattled on the door again.

A sand storm kept all villagers inside for three days. Since the day Shikamaru had gone back to Konoha. Leaving her behind with all of this.

She rose from her chair. She shouldn't think about him. She was the one that first left him. Leaving him behind without any explanation.

She knew she had hurt Shikamaru a lot. He wasn't the type to yell at people. He wasn't a person, who used his anger as an excuse for being mean. When he didn't feel well he became quiet and hid from the world until he was ready to talk about it.

Temari on the opposite never held back. All her emotions flowed outside without a filter. She may be calm and level headed during work, but in private her mood was always visible because she was born this way. Most people thought she was harsh and cold. She couldn't care less.

They had been like two puzzle pieces, fitting the right way with their edges and holes, being complete with each other. When she wanted to scream, he stayed calm. If he was smiling, she would tease him. And when he was hurt, it was her shoulder he cried on.

They haven't talked in years. She should be over their break up, somehow moved on, because it was her fault. She just couldn't.

Seeing him again, changed and harder than ever before. Not caring if he hurt her, dragging her all the way into her office to spit out the words that he had built inside him over the years. This wasn't Shikamaru but the product of her actions.

Her head told her to stop thinking about this. However, her heart was betraying her, again.

There were reasons she left. Reasons she never dared to tell him. And she wanted so badly to share her secrets and feelings with him.

The mistakes she made for him. To protect him from even more pain and sorrow.

Remembering his eyes looking at her with so much hate, made her shiver. They did not even soften when he offered help. The hours trapped with him in this office were unbearable.

He crushed her heart again as he rejected her invitation for dinner. She didn't deserve better. She just was so lonely, alone in her village, her home, her heart. Making jokes with him once again would have been the greatest gift.

But when she cut him out of her life, she severed all connections to him, making it impossible to go back.

She wiped the tears of her cheeks and continued to work.

* * *

The mood in the hospital was hostile. She hated this place so much. She didn't want to be here, but hope made her go anyway.

She greeted the Anbu guarding the room, where Gaara and Kankuro still were lying unconscious.

They looked asleep, resting for a new day. If it weren't for the cables, tubes and machines keeping them alive.

The chair between their beds wasn't occupied. She kissed them on their foreheads, brushing Gaara's hair aside, touching the kanji on his temple before she took his hand.

"There is no news today. Still the same. The Council hates you and wants me to replace you. Baki keeps them at bay. I would have told them long before that they can shove their ideas to a place the sun never sees."

Kankuro would have laughed at this statement, while Gaara would look at her in shock. Now the only noise reaching her ears was the rhythmical clicking of the oxygen device.

She told her brothers all the little things that have happened the last day. After an hour she headed back to do more work. In a place where only silence greeted her.

* * *

In the night she again woke up screaming from a nightmare.

She is covered in sweat and tears, her whole body trembling.

Her dream had started with a kiss by Shikamaru and ended with him dead in her arms. Bleeding to death while she couldn't do anything. Her heart was pounding hard, her breaths coming out in huffs.

Without further ado she threw the blankets aside and left the bed, and finally her room.

She headed for the kitchen. There she rummaged through the cabinet, searching for her favourite tea blend. Her fingertips touched something else.

She took the small box out of the cabinet, smelling the slightly bitter, spicy flavour of its contents.

It was green tea she had in her storage for Shikamaru. Temari thought she got rid of everything that connected her to him, but she had been wrong. As she follows the letters of the name of the tea blend, she remembers the day he visited her for the first time in Suna.

Kankuro had made a fuss that her boyfriend would stay in her room. All the jokes and witty remarks didn't hit her, but Shikamaru's head was bright red when her brother left. With a kiss she tried to make him feel less ashamed.

It had led to more, when she dragged him into her bedroom.

Right after the Fourth Shinobi War she had realised her feelings for him. Being alive has been pure luck. And still she waited another year until she decided to act.

She still could feel his hands tracing her curves, a smile on his face, when they laid in her bed, both exhausted and full of hormones. The air was sticky and warm, the first cold breeze of the wind announcing the evening. She had been so happy back then. Full of hope that this would last.

_“You're beautiful,” he said and kissed her nose._

_“Don't be this sappy, Shikamaru,” she answered and pulled at his ponytail._

_“I'm just stating the truth. Am I not allowed to tell you how I feel?”_

_“No. You can always say what is on your mind.”_

_“Only if you do the same.”_

This little promise had been broken the second she left him.

With a lump in her throat she tossed the box inside the bin and reached for the orange tea.

Maybe she could sleep a few hours after finishing a cup of it.

That was her only hope left.

* * *

“I am not the Kazekage!”

She yelled at the Council of Suna as they gathered for another meeting.

Temari was on the edge for a few days now. Days without much sleep slowly eating her away. Her dreams became more vivid, more cruel and every night she was greeted by Shikamaru.

On the one hand she welcomed his smile, but on the other hand it left her more unstable in the mornings. She could no longer hide the fact that her heart had taken over her mind.

She didn’t want to drown her emotions in alcohol like she did the first six months after her break-up. This time she hadn’t her brothers to help her out of the abyss. Temari knew for sure, it would kill her this time. She wouldn’t give up yet. She was going to survive and fight for herself, her brothers and Suna.

Although her longing for Shikamaru was getting unbearable. She thought the worst had been two years ago. That she could live with the scars and the unresolved feelings inside her soul. Reluctantly she had to agree it was useless. Shoving her emotions aside hadn't helped, but made it worse.

“You are. Gaara and Kankuro aren't awake and able to lead Suna,” Gouza answered with a harsh tone. “The people, your people need stability.”

“Why should it help to push Temari into an inauguration? She is the Kazekage until Gaara wakes up again. There's no need to rush things.”

Baki was one of the few voices of reason within the Council. He had her back, would do everything to help and protect Kankuro, Gaara and her. Without him the village was lost. And the Council knew this. Therefore they tried to play their games.

Temari wanted to run out of the meeting room. This wasn't the way things should be. The illness was not killing the people with its effects. The nerve-wrecking hope that everything would be over soon was what killed her inside with each passing day.

With this crisis she reached her limit.

Never she had been this desperate and lost. Even after the death of her father she had been in a better condition. Finally she and her brother had the power to change things, the power to build a better future, the power to be a family again.

“We need to set a time frame,” Jouseki said and rose from his chair. “If the Kazekage won't wake up within the next two months, we declare Temari as Kazekage.”

Baki looked at her and waited for her approval. Temari knew there was no use.

“I agree.”

She sat down on the roof of her home, her legs dangling from the balustrade. Temari had rushed out of the meeting room and didn't look back for a second. The Council had decided and she would obey.

Tears streamed down her face.

This was the last straw. Her last hope that normalcy had been within reach. As long as Baki and her prevented the Council from pushing her in this position, it had been possible Gaara and Kankuro would wake up.

With agreeing to become Kazekage in two months she felt like betraying her brothers, her village and the dreams for the future.

“You shouldn't sit here, Temari,” Baki said from behind her. “There's still work to do.”

She wiped the tears of her eyes and turned around.

“I can't.” A growl accompanied her words. “Those men don't see what Suna needs. It is not me, but Gaara. And with agreeing to their approach I rob Gaara. He worked so hard for this.”

She made a broad gesture with her hand. “He wanted to change Suna with Kankuro and me. It shouldn't be me.”

“Follow me,” Baki simply answered.

He led her into a basement under the Kazekage building, a torch in his hand. Temari didn't know those rooms and was surprised to see shelves full with notebooks.

“This is your father's work. He wrote down all the things he did to secure Suna. I think you will find them helpful.”

Temari fingers wandered over the leather of the books. She was taken aback to the days his father sat in the office writing down things in one of his notebooks.

“Why didn't you ever tell us about this, Baki?”

“It wasn't the right time. All of you had to recover from the things that happened. The death of your father, the Akatsuki, the war. You did fine.” He exhaled deeply. “But today seems to be a good day. You need something to help you. I can offer you this.”

She took out one notebook and opened it.

_Today I met the Hokage. He didn't agree on giving us more fruitful land._

_I am angry._

_I just want my people to be safe and not starve to death. I need to do other things to make things better._

_Please forgive me, Karura._

She looked at the date and realised it had been three months before the attempt to attack Konoha. Three months before the Chuunin exams. She gulped.

“Thank you,” she whispered and hugged Baki.

“All for you, princess.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it wouldn't have been for Majsasaurus and her story [To find hope in the Universe](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28776735/chapters/70567137) this story would still be in my drafts folder. It's the third installment of her [Love and never let got series](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1819945) about the next generation of Ino-Shika-Cho and the love between Shikadai and Inojin
> 
> Because of her I found the missing link to continue this story. 
> 
> Thank you so much. I don't have enough words to thank you. ❤️
> 
> (And thanks to the overwhelming responses to the first chapter of this story. I love you guys!)


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